Steven Hale
1 min readAug 4, 2019

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Very welcome humor, all of it related to the theme of how we use communication devices to avoid communicating what we feel.

Suggestions: you might make the scene more visual. There’s a lot of screen time on long static text displays. Try breaking up the texts into smaller units, and find something in the protagonist’s immediate environment that reinforces her conflict.

The protagonist herself is very likable, and you’ve made her situation into something we can all identify with.

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Steven Hale
Steven Hale

Written by Steven Hale

Music: Discovering the lost and forgotten. Politics: Exposing injustice. Screenwriting: Emotional storytelling.

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