I don’t doubt that what you describe as a sense of betrayal fits the attitude of many anti-liberals (I’m using the general term “anti-liberals” here; it covers a variety of opinions and identities; “anti-liberals” aren’t the same as conservatives — many conservatives respect an alternative view — they just don’t share it). But I think the basic feeling of anti-liberals goes deeper than that. Your neighbor would be just as hostile toward your belief structure if he didn’t mistakenly see you as a fellow traveler, or if you were black or brown or female.

I wouldn’t expect anti-liberals to be able to articulate their feelings, because their resentment goes so deep, but you can look at the Hannitys and Coulters who have been stoking the fire for decades and see some common assumptions.

Liberals (to an anti-liberal) aren’t just on the wrong side. They are threats to the essential identity of an anti-liberal. Anti-liberals feel that their very selfhood is in danger of being annihilated. All those good things you embrace (diversity, respect for otherness, seeing men and women as equals, etc.) are death threats to the anti-liberal persona. Mass shooters are (in general) the extreme form of a threatened person striking back, but if you go to 4 chan or 8 chan or wherever the anti-liberals congregate, you see the same rage and violence, just without a gun in hand.

Patriarchy is probably the biggest enabler of anti-liberal selfhood, but defending patriarchy is not the exclusive motivation.

I’m not advocating some sort of benevolence toward these anti-liberals simply because they feel threatened. They defend themselves by threatening (and harming) others. I don’t think we should compromise with them or conceal our views in order to spare their feelings. I just think we should know what we (liberals) are up against when we confront them. Until we can convince anti-liberals that our values are not a threat (which from my pessimistic viewpoint is not going to happen soon or easily), then we cannot deal with them on a rational basis.