Fans of American Nationalist Cooking are taking to J. D. Vance’s new recipe collection “like hogs to slop,” according to the series publisher Stupidity for Idiots. The latest edition features a new preface, “Tips for Tastier Roadkill,” by the recent MAGA convert, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
Here’s today’s sample, an anti-woke replacement for veggie burgers:
The Impossumble Burger
Buy a box of Impossible Burgers (tm) and throw away the fake meat inside. Keep the box to convince your liberal dinner guests that the sandwiches are “plant-based.”
Kill, skin, and filet four possums (“Running over animals several times with a large SUV can help tenderize the meat” — RFK Jr.)
Remove tell-tale ears, snout, eyes, etc. Use the feet for lucky key chains or give them to the kids to play with.
Grind the meat in a food processor or shred it with your teeth (if you still have any), shape into patties the size of a MAGA leader’s small palms, and saute in lard until medium-rare. Serve on Texas toast (see the Ted Cruz reference book How to Make Toast).
